The Case of the Missing Doughboy

My elementary school sponsored a young authors' contest where every child would write an original story, and the best one from each grade was chosen by a panel of readers. The author of the winning story went to a day-long conference with the winners from all the other elementary schools in the district. Each student read their story, and a copy was even bound and placed in the school’s library. For three years my stories about an adventurous hermit crab were deemed tops. In my final year of elementary school I decided to break new ground and reveal a bit of my unconventional interest. I wrote a story about food with eyes. I didn’t win.

Now, for the first time since 1984, I give you “The Case of the Missing Doughboy:”

(click to read text)

In case it wasn't obvious (and I'm told it's not), the narrator is the enormous stalk of broccoli shown in two of the drawings. I guess I should have stuck with hermit crabs.

Maltee and Mrs. Shake

Yesterday, my husband and I took a leisurely drive through the Mohawk Valley of Central NY to explore some decaying manufacturing towns along the Mohawk River. Ever vigilant for food with eyes, I spotted two great examples. The first was in the window of a printing store in the town of Herkimer (best known for its cheese and quartz “diamonds”). The window display featured an array of antique printing equipment. In the middle was a large plate for an advertisement. As I looked more closely, I realized engraving was of two popsicles and an ice cream sandwich skiing!

Regrettably, my photos didn’t come out very well, but the gist of the ad involves adding Maltee malted milk powder to ice cream treats to make them more appealing in the off-season. Here’s a reversed enlargement:

The text reads: Do your novelties hibernate in cold weather? Here’s a tip – give them a hypo – a Maltee Hypo!! Maltee products are easy to make. Maltee powder is used like any flavor. No change in mix formula required. Maltee crunch floats in the chocolate coating. Build your cold weather sales with Maltee products. Children love malted milk. Extrax Co.

In nearby Mohawk we stumbled upon Mrs. Shake, a small ice cream parlor/restaurant. Of course, this demanded a stop for a photo. And since we stopped the car anyway, why not get some ice cream?

Mrs. Shake is a great original character, and her image graced the sign and door. Although the interior was lacking food with eyes, the yummy homemade ice cream made up for that. Be sure to stop by if you're ever in Mohawk, NY.

The Food Circus

I was asleep, and I heard a noise. It sounded like music. It was coming from the refrigerator. I got up and opened the refrigerator door.


I didn’t believe my eyes! It was a food circus! The cheese was on a merry-go-round, the milk was swallowing fire, and the grapes were on a roller coaster!

All the food was having fun, but suddenly the food went back to its spot and the rides were gone. So I went back to bed.

In the morning I remembered about what I has seen. I went and looked in the refrigerator, but the rides were all gone. The End.

This c. 1979 story marked my first foray into the food with eyes genre of literature. It would probably have been better titled as “The Food Carnival” since there were amusement rides, as well as sideshow acts like fire eating. Although it was somewhat lacking in terms of plot and character development, it did earn me the following Richard Scarry sticker featuring Huckle cat and Lowly worm:

Mushrooms in your Menu

This 1956 cookbooklet from BinB Mushrooms suggests dozens of ways to incorporate more mushrooms in your diet with the help of their special butter-broiled spokesmushroom.

The front of the pamphlet shows their mushroom chef following a recipe in this very cookbook, no doubt utilizing his own savory juices (I have always admired this artistic device since first seeing a Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen comic book with a cover featuring Superman -or was it Jimmy?-sitting in a barber chair reading the same comic book ad infinitum).


The first page shows Mr. Mushroom attending a costume party dressed as Mr. Peanut, arm-in-arm with Miss Gourmet Magazine (I believe this is Miss Fluffy Rice underneath the costume).


Only one of the 24 pages of recipes shows our mushroom character. Here he is in stylized form lifting two shrimp barbells. Note the recipe on the left for Sweetbreads and Ham. That's what I typically serve my guests for luncheon.

And one last look at our BinB Mushroom friend.

This last picture is a bit disconcerting as we have a clear view of his stem hole. Shocking.

Meet the Veggies

Blog reader Ellen was kind enough to share photos of two treasured food with eyes friends she won at a fair back in the 80s. Thank you, Ellen!! Here we have Nurse Judy Mango:

Note that she resembles a Dakin Dream Pet-style plush. Too bad they never had a Dream Food line…

Next is rocker Bruce Stringbean!

Some research has revealed that The Bean is part of a collection called The Veggies (Each One Is A Bushel Of Fun!) made in 1985. In fact, I discovered that a character in my own collection (bequeathed to me by Curly Wurly) is a member of the same series. Here is Tony Scallione (or, as I had alternately referred to him, Rapscallion or the Italian Scallion):

And Tony in his original packaging:

Bruce Stringbean in his original patriotic box:

Other characters in the series include Cornelia Husk:

Sheriff Damon Onion:

Zuccarina ballerina:

Juice the athletic orange:

And Pepperphant the elephant:

The back of the box explains the story of Veggie Village where fruits and vegetables come alive. Other village residents include Ricky Vacado and Lemon Ice. Perhaps the Del Monte Yumkins, Nestle Morsel Family, and Hallmark Crazy Crop gang would even vacation in Veggie Village back in the 80s?

Vegetable Magnetism

The 1970s and 80s were a dark time in the history of handicrafts. The intricate crochet and embroidery of the past were cast aside in favor of knitted toilet paper roll covers, garish afghans, and monstrous macramé creations. I myself turned out dozens of latch-hook rugs and even a plastic canvas needlepoint tissue box cover. The only bright spot was the emergence of a previously underutilized artistic medium: pantyhose. The advent of sheer nylon was a boon to stocking-wearers, of course, but its use in crafts is not as well appreciated. When stuffed, its sheerness and strength allow it to be sewn into expressive features belonging to, what else, food with eyes!

A crafty aunt began creating stuffed pantyhose food with eyes magnets. Soon a fried egg, apple, and ice cream cone “soft sculptures” graced our fridge. I even made one myself: a carrot with an unfortunately large forehead that always made me think of Frankenstein’s monster in carrot-form. Some of the original magnets can be seen below:

Here is a close-up of a pumpkin magnet, another c. 1982 original:

While very cute, it doesn’t have the impact of the others, as it’s common for pumpkins to have facial features.

Recently, through the miracle of eBay, I was able to obtain the instruction booklet “Fruity & Vegie Refrigerator Magnets” by Dumplin’ Designs (1982).

Other magnet designs include an orange, pear, strawberry, grapes, cherries, tomato, green pepper, corn, peas, cauliflower, and a featureless sack of potatoes. While the instructions are easy to follow, the modern-day crafter may encounter one roadblock: finding yellow, orange, red, purple, and green pantyhose. In the 80s this was not an issue; I fondly remember my rainbow-hued knee-high stocking collection. The prescient author, seemingly knowing that a drabber future would be in store, also suggests dyeing white nurses’ stockings to the desired color. Although forgotten for more than 20 years, perhaps these delightful characters will return once more to enliven the stainless steel kitchens of the 21st century.

Crazy Crop

The 1980s are considered the golden age of plush anthropomorphic food. This decade brought us not only the Del Monte Country Yumkins and the Nestle Morsel Family, but also the extensive Hallmark Crazy Crop collection. In 1984 Hallmark created their own line of stuffed fruits and vegetables, no doubt in response to the Yumkins; clearly a market existed for fruits and vegetables with eyes. This collection featured characters with expressive faces made from smooth cotton as opposed to plush “fur.” Each character was named (Pearl E. Onion, DeeDee DePear, Ronald McMushroom, Betty Beet, etc.) and had a hang-tag gift card with a phrase like “You’re un-beet-able!” or “You’re peachy keen!”

Vegetables included: chili pepper, large onion, celery, cucumber

beet

radish

mushroom

corn

small onion

lettuce
Fruits included: pear

apple

strawberry

peach

Hallmark even produced a Springbok puzzle featuring the Crazy Crop gang frolicking in a fruit crate:

This puzzle is interesting as it includes many variations on the commercially available characters with different facial expressions (click on the photo for a larger view to really appreciate their expressions). Other characters include an eggplant, small corn, potato, tomato, carrots, asparagus, a variety of onions, sweet potato, grapes, bananas, a watermelon, and a small orange unidentifiable fruit/vegetable in the lower left corner happily hugging itself.

At first glance, the range of Crazy Crop species is very broad, but on closer inspection two key groups are missing. Where are the cruciferous vegetables? Were broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and cabbage not invited? What about legumes? Are the peas and beans in their own clique? Or perhaps these vegetables were too busy fighting diseases with their phytochemicals and fiber to join in the fun.